Everybody wants to be a showgirl until it’s time to respect one

Guest Author: Twirlisha Devine

***DISCLAIMER***

I’m finna talk cash shit, tell no lies and I never said I wasn’t trash sometimes…

Y’all, I love burlesque so much. I fell head first into the art of the tease at 40 after retiring from modern concert dance. I was heartbroken at the time. Dance was my first and only true love and lifeline. Without it I wouldn’t have made it to my 20’s. The ancestors knew I wouldn’t survive long without the only medium that ever allowed me to alchemize all the grief and trauma I endured into the fuel that sparked my creativity.

Burlesque gave that spark back to me. I was intoxicated with the gratitude I had for the opportunity to continue performing. I was enthralled by the bawdy freedom and epic storytelling. I was tickled by the sharp wit and slide splitting humor. I was seduced by the siren song of the slow burn. I was captivated by the diversity of glam and all the clam slams!!  The voracious neurodivergent scholar in me was introduced to an entirely new history to attach itself to like an Alien hatchling. 

I knew coming in I had a lot to learn. I couldn’t glue rhinestones onto modern dance technique and expect people to accept or take me seriously as a professional burlesque performer. That would be like someone walking into New York City Ballet and demanding to be a principal when they put on their first pair of pointe shoes a week ago. What would serve me well on my ecdysiast adventure was the work ethic I had as a modern dancer. I took classes from many people, had mentors, paid for act reviews, traveled domestically and internationally, busted my ass and performed as often as possible. I competed and won a title — the inaugural Master of Funk of the 2019 WTF Fest. 

Most importantly I observed and took note of the intersections of industry patterns in the past and the present. I immersed myself in the sparkly depths of burlesque and what I learned in my 9 years in the industry is bittersweet. I never lost my gratitude for burlesque extending me the privilege to continue performing. It also allowed me to utilize my other gifts like my experience as an activist and strategic coordinator in the non-profit sector as well as a dance and fitness educator to be of service to industry at large as a volunteer, consultant and Co-ED of Burlycon and currently as the Co-Director of the Circle City School of Burlesque. Unfortunately, the deeper I dove, the more my sparkle vision was clouded by the murky malignancy of envy and egregious entitlement lurking in the glittery abyss.

The stage is a mercurial muse. It can bring me to a level of bliss and elation that is beyond the best orgasm I’ve ever experienced. It can also humble me to the point of wanting to scream cry while sliding down the shower wall in the dark all in the same 6 minute act. It’s not for the weak or the faint of heart. Constant rejection, imposter syndrome, hours of blood, sweat and tears all for a few minutes under the warm lights on some not always solid boards in a costume that is exponentially more expensive than what you’re being paid after getting ready in a basement or utility closet that smells like sewage. And that’s not even the worst part!  The thing that melts my Fabri-Fuse and makes me wanna purge all my pasties is the disrespect and drama caused by folks projecting their envy fueled insecurities and false entitlements.

Whether it be disrespectful vague booking, passive aggressive in person interactions or just general “mean girling” (and I mean that inclusively), this is the meat of the malignancy that’s not so softly killing the art of the tease and lead to me sequestering myself soon after winning my only title. 

Photography by Camila Obsura

Access to performing is a privilege. No one is owed a stage. No is normal in all performing arts. 

I have never experienced anything like the open-faced false entitlement I’ve witnessed in these rhinestoned streets. I’m not an elitist by any means. I’m not blind to the uphill battle marginalized performers unfairly face in this industry. I’ve had my bedazzled hiking heels strapped on since day one as well. I do proudly admit to being a gatekeeper of a certain standard of talent and effort as far as the professional stage is concerned. As a performer in general, not everybody gets to be on stages like Carnegie Hall and that’s okay. 

Speaking from experience, being on stage in your local community theater can be just as fulfilling. The delusional community theater cast member that performed in one show as the under study for chorus person #2 insisting upon the lead at Carnegie Hall via false weaponization of their marginalizations, vague booking, throwing timeline tantrums and undermining their fellow artists that are actually doing the work is where I personally close the gate I’m keeping. 

I’m not saying folks need to have fully encrusted bespoke costumes and reveals that look like magic tricks to be on stage. I am saying that if you want to be a paid professional burlesque performer you need to be educated on the technique, art and history of the tease, have well rehearsed acts with clear storylines/intentions that connect you to the audience and feature costumes and props that fit you and your act while facilitating your story and producing smooth reveals. 

Lastly, a little public facing professional decorum goes a long way. By all means, drag that bitch that had you fucked up at last week’s gig in your group chat, I know I do! We don’t all have to be besties and braid each other’s hair. We also don’t have to defame one another and try to block people’s earned blessings out of jealousy and FOMO. The constant back biting and bullshittery online is the one of the main reasons we don’t get called up to the mainstream stages when they cosplay our aesthetic. 

I woke up this morning very activated and aware of how much this industry has had me fucked up for years and the events that have transpired in the wake of announcing Legends & Icons - VENUS and the Indy installment of the Every(BODY) Wants to Be a Showgirl Exhibit has been the cherry on top of a middle finger sundae I refuse to keep quietly consuming in the corner.  I’m tired of the bird behavior and I refuse to crash out over you sour grapes eating bitches so I’m going to crash straight into you so no one is confused. I’m not the best at anything, but my work ethic and unique excellence in certain areas gives me one of one status in the way I move in certain spaces, including this one. I have a specific magic and light I take everywhere I go. I am a talented performer. I also have an eye for talent and strength in others. I have the gift of giving individuals the tools and fostering the confidence needed to excavate and extract their own magic. I’m not intimidated or threatened by others’ magic. As a lioness I love being surrounded by a pride of bad bitches winning in a myriad of ways as a collective. 

I am an adept curator of experiences. Legends & Icons wasn’t a fluke or luck. I’ve never had much of that. It was the beginning stages of casting an intentional spell of Black Burlesque Excellence that blended local lovelies, new booties, traveling showgirls/gays/theys, fan favorites and Icons never seen here before or since like Emma Jewel, Nirvana Noire, Raven Rose, Tre Da Marc, Nox Falls. L&I brought the LEGENDARY Shawna the Black Venus back to the stage and I will never forget how heartwarming it felt to hear her say that Legends & Icons was the first time in her illustrious career that she shared the stage with an all Black cast. I produced L&I on my own, out of pocket in my first year as a producer. I was doing the work of producing shows I wanted to see.

I was inspired to bring the legacy of the Ferguson Brothers back to Indianapolis. I was following in the footsteps of trailblazers like Jeez Loueez and Jeezy’s Juke Joint. I was weaving a healing circle of love, light and Black summer camp around the cast. It wanted to foster the kind of Black solidarity that could be recognized, received and implemented across the entire diaspora.  I wanted Black producers in other places to pick up the same mantle and was hopeful we could find ways to intermingle and create a new age world wide chitlin circuit that would nourish us for decades to come.  I aspired to create a FUBU burlesque moment that would sustain our art into the future and ensure we would never be forgotten again. 

Lastly, I was trying to create the home, family and safe space here in Indy I haven’t had since my mother died when I was 10 years old. And I watched while folks here and elsewhere ignored, talked shit about and actively told people not to support my efforts. While folks were loudly virtue signaling about diversity and equity for performers and supporting the legends online, I quietly continued actually doing that work. Lack of support led me to step back from L&I in 2025. I’m still paying off debt from a weekender that some say is one of the best to ever happen in Indy. I couldn’t quite bring myself to agree with that sentiment before, but on today I’m gonna pop my shit. Legends and Icons 2023 & 2024 more than lived up to its name and I feel so proud of, blessed by and grateful for those productions.  Mostly I’m grateful to Shawna for letting me talk her into bringing her tassels out of retirement and once again twirling us all into a tizzy!!   

Shawna means more to me than I can say. She is the penultimate showgirl. Her talent, tenacity, professionalism and unique style are what made her a star then and now.  I don’t feel compelled to be performative on social media to prove the depth of my feelings for her but in light of recent discourse I’ll say this…

I love Shawna. She’s become like a mother to me in many ways. Hearing she had cancer broke me into a million little pieces on her behalf and I wished I could trade places with her so that she didn’t have to endure what was to come. I wanted more than anything to drop everything and just go be with her and I hated that I couldn’t. I have felt grief and guilt over not being able to take care of her in the way I feel she deserves.

Legends & Icons - VENUS is a benefit show to continue to support Shawna. It’s also the vehicle for me to bring another legend to Indy, Tiffany Carter. It is a blending of visions with Aquarius Moon and her historical efforts in creating and curating the Every(Body) Wants to Be A Showgirl Exhibit. It is an intergenerational partnership with the Circle City School of Burlesque and its students that are dedicated to keeping this art form alive. It is a celebration of the things that still excite, surprise and inspire me about burlesque. This project and everyone involved deserve to be respected at bare minimum.  Seeing and hearing people allude to anything less has really and truly gagged me…but let me clear my throat and clock these confused burly birds before I crawl back into my sparkly bog. 

Disrespect towards me, my collaborators, this cast and most importantly the legends involved in this project online, on stage or anywhere for that matter is a reflection of the gutter snipe you are and a projection of your insecurity and self loathing. Stop looking at me and out the window because your real problem is in the mirror. The only thing I’m guilty of is removing access to me for reasons I made you aware of…multiple times. No one is entitled to me or my magic. I am entitled to my boundaries and the protection of my peace. I won’t be entertaining apologies veiled in false victimhood, selective memory and feigned ignorance that cast me in the role of a bully or angry Black woman. You know who you are, what you did, what you said, how you chose to move and why I don’t fuck with you. The only mea culpa acceptable at this point is in the form of donations, sponsorships and/or labor.

This project is more than worthy. It is my best and brightest magic in a very dark moment of the body and soul. I am deeply not okay on many levels and I am truly grateful for the sparkly tether to this world this combined effort is providing me in this moment. No one is okay in this moment and even as the horrors persist, still we rise to shake our asses proper!

In closing I want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me as a performer, producer and educator. I hope you will continue that support by contributing to and coming out for the opening of the Every(BODY) Wants to be A Showgirl exhibit at ILC on Friday 8/7, CCSB Classes by our feature performers AM and PP and Legends & Icons - VENUS a benefit for Shawna the Black Venus starring headliner and legend Tiffany Carter at the WRC on Saturday 8/8

Click here for event tix & info