Why Do I Still Dream of Being a Victoria’s Secret Model… Or Do I?

I’m 36 and still want some wings, and not the lemon pepper kind. What happens when childhood programming follows us into adulthood?

By: Aquarius Moon

Please don’t ask how I opened TikTok a few days ago and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was on. Instead of scrolling I literally got excited and forced my husband to watch with me. After watching the entire show, which aired live on YouTube (instead of TV, I wonder why), I had to ask myself: why does a tiny voice in my head still want to view this? Do I really like this or did “they” program me to want it?

I can be honest: I wanted to be a VS Angel since I was a little girl. The show first aired when I was five years old and like many millennials, both my parents worked extremely hard and the television raised me. My first burlesque costume was Victoria’s Secret and I am now a vintage lingerie collector who has quite a few silk slits in my personal closet.

The showgirl in me has always loved lingerie, all the OG supermodels, the more diverse bodies on stage and the entire runway show! Regardless of that, watching this in my thirties is entirely different than watching in my twenties.

These are my uninterrupted gut reactions to this American propaganda ritual that happens every spooky season (unasked for) and how we can also take the moment to ask if our desires are organically ours or are they preset with intentions to create lifetime consumers.

Kylie’s $50 million bra that didn’t fit. The garment worker in Sri Lanka. Six weeks postpartum on the runway. The PINK segment that made me ask who this is really for. And a letter to five-year-old me.

Read the full piece on my Substack →

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